As a second-generation immigrant, I benefitted from the experience and hard lessons learnt by women whose shoulders were broad enough to help others. That was the epitome of my upbringing. My family, forced to leave the affluence of their lives in Uganda, worked around the clock in England in order to build some kind of life. In doing so, they did not forget the principles of community and helping others. My mother, a single parent to me, faced community shame for being a divorcee and a single parent in the 70s, as well as racism in a country that was now her home. What my mother achieved in the face of all that is astonishing. She not only educated herself but worked hard to maximise the potential of other women. Having qualified as a social worker, my mother founded the first ‘Asian Girls Hostel’ and in doing so offered Asian women a haven from sexual abuse, forced marriage and honour-based violence. In 1979 this was both revolutionary and brave, and involved a great deal of sacrifice on her part – including, to some extent, her relationship with me. She, for me, is the true personification of a woman working actively to empower other women, despite barriers and challenge.

Fibromyalgia changed my life. I have always been determined and can be almost single-minded in my pursuits. That said, I suffered hugely with self-doubt and didn’t find it easy to stand up for myself. I found our profession did not help. The constant question of ‘am I good enough?’ held me back for years. And then I got ill. Struck down, quite literally, by pain. I had to press pause on it all, and was forced to re-evaluate my life holistically. The body shock of fibromyalgia was my body and brain telling me ‘enough was enough’. The journey back was tough but enlightening. Quite frankly, although it was truly awful at the time, it was best thing that has happened to me. In the past, many of my decisions prioritised the needs and wishes of others in my life, and were made because I lacked the confidence and self-belief to stand up for myself, seeking validation elsewhere. Challenging my own thinking and choices, and finding validation and resilience within, has empowered me to pursue a path that I know will result in success, and to share the wisdom of my experience with other women.

The value of coaching for the Bar is overlooked, particularly for women. My own interest in coaching began during a journey of self-discovery when I doubted, because of fibromyalgia, that I would ever live a full life again. Having embarked on a course that introduced me to coaching, I went on to gain a Diploma in Transformational Coaching and was awarded the EMCC (European Mentoring and Coaching Council) Global Individual Accreditation (EIA) at practitioner level earlier this year. In my work as a coach, I have observed a lot of the same issues for women which are a consequence of self-limiting beliefs. These present particular challenges during the key transitionary stages in a barrister’s career and can stifle professional progress. The purpose of coaching is to allow individuals to focus on their personal growth and encourage them to recognise patterns of resistance that effectively act as blockers to that growth. Coaching is made available to senior members of the judiciary and is instrumental, in my view, to maximising potential. Making coaching available to the Bar, perhaps through chambers or via the Bar Council, could be transformational in terms of career advancement.

Life at the Bar has been both a privilege and a challenge. Having spent the first 10 years at the Criminal Bar, I was equipped with invaluable skills in advocacy and people management. Moving to the Family Bar was very different and far more challenging in many ways. It is very visceral: dealing with the lives of children really makes you think and can leave you questioning your own values and beliefs. There is real reward in the work at the Family Bar, but it can be all-consuming when ‘managing’ high conflict cases or dealing with abuse of children and the depravity of humankind. Working to protect the welfare of children can be heartrendingly sad, and never really leaves you – a feeling that has been heightened for me since becoming a parent.

Managing the impact so it does not pollute your private life is not easy. As things stand, that all needs self-management. For me, escape is the key! I quite literally work it all out through exercise, meditation and trash TV. There is an argument for more responsibility to be taken for the impact of our work. In many other professions, supervision is mandatory. Supervision provides a safe space where you can reflect on your practice and is intended to support positive outcomes, safety and wellbeing, as well as being a process that encompasses learning and professional development. There is clearly a place for this at the Family Bar.

The Midland Circuit Women’s Forum has done exceptional work in championing women at the Bar, despite being a relatively young forum celebrating its sixth anniversary this year. Having been a committee member, and then Vice-Chair of the committee, I have witnessed first-hand its pivotal work; empowering women to make applications for silk or judicial posts, providing information about the grand juggle that is parenthood and the Bar, as well as mentoring and coaching, and providing support around bullying and harassment. The work of the forum is supported by senior figureheads in the profession such as Mrs Justice Tipples, Mrs Justice Theis and Lady Hale. Its work and ethos is completely aligned with my own beliefs and principles so being asked to take the helm as Chair this year was an absolute honour.

It is my hope and aim to bring full circle the lessons I learnt growing up, embedding the principles of holding out one’s hand to help pull other women up, and ensuring the ladder is firmly left down for them to climb. In my experience, when it feels scary to jump, perhaps when contemplating that silk or judicial application, that’s exactly when you should do it. To do otherwise is to undermine your potential. After all, maximising your own potential creates the opportunities for you to help others to maximise theirs. And that is what each of us should aim to do if we are going to effect real and sustainable change for women in law.